But you can check out my new blog, Beyond the Stained-Glass.

This is why I should never be on television.  I’d probably have a laughing breakdown just like this poor man does.  

Unlike most memes, this one seemed more fun, because the questions change.  I asked Alabaster for five questions, and if you’d like, you can ask me for five questions and I’ll do my best to provide you with questions worth answering.  

1. You’re lying down at rest, with a gentle smile on your face, your eyes closed feeling completely calm and at peace with the world. So where the hell are you? 

I’d be somewhere out in the country.  The sun would be shinning, the wind would be gently blowing through the trees leafy branches, and the world would feel fresh, alive and new.  I’d be lying in the middle of a field of grass soaking in all of the beauty around me, listening to the birds sing, watching the clouds, and maybe reading a book I’d brought with me.        

2. What keeps you up all night worrying? 

I haven’t been kept up worrying for awhile, but the last time there was something truly eating at me, it was the reality that I’m losing my dad.  For those of you who don’t know, my dad has a fatal, degenerative, brain disorder, and he’s slowly dying. 

For months I’d been haunted with nightmares of being at his funeral.  The worst part was watching my family grieve -and knowing there was nothing I could do to ease the pain.  I’d wake up and realize it was a dream, but then the reality would hit me that it’s only a matter of time.   

Thankfully, those morbidly vivid nightmares haven’t been bothering me for awhile, but the thoughts and fears which triggered them are still alive and well in the back of my mind.     

3. What’s the strangest thing a stranger has ever said to you?

I don’t know about a complete stranger, but back in high school I had a sophomore boy who I didn’t know well informed me I was the lowest person on the popularity latter.  I’d been labeled several years before, so I was very aware of how low I was on the high school food chain, but most people at least had the decency to just ignore me rather than rub it in my face.   

 This rude young man then proceeded to list off all of the reasons I didn’t meet his definition of “cool.”  I was a senior, but I was not only nice to the freshmen, but I truly enjoyed their company and was good friends with several of them.  I also made time out of my week to get to know some of the middle school kids in the area; I was able to be a big sister of sorts to some of them. 

After he was through reading me my list of faults, it basically all boiled down to the fact that I was “un-cool” in his eyes because I loved the people who my peers told me to snub. What was originally intended as an insult, I took it as one of the most genuine complements I’ve ever been given, and it actually had a lasting affect.    

Rather than discouraging me from hanging out with those who are considered to be “un-cool” for whatever reason, it made me what a reputation as being someone who’s loving to the forgotten, mistreated, and overlooked people in society, even if that resulted in being “un-cool.”   He said I could have been cool, but instead, I chose to spend time with people.  Since then, I’ve always wanted the little, punk kid’s words to be true about the way I conduct myself; that I’d choose people over what may be considered “cool.”  

  4. Who’s got the best voice?   

 I love Anna Lamott’s writing voice.  She’s honest, hysterical, raw, sometimes offensive, and she’s got personality coming out her ears.   When I read one of her books I feel like I’m connecting with a real human being, because she doesn’t present herself as someone who has all of her little ducks, cleaned, polished, color coordinated, and alphabetized in a neat little row.  In fact, I think I have more respect and appreciation for both her and her writing than for some other authors’ works because she doesn’t appear Marry Poppins perfect, so I can relate.   

Even with her writing voice, she challenges and inspires me to have my own voice in the world, to be myself, and to not be afraid to come across as fully human, because we’re all a little broken and scary under neither the pretty wrapping.    

5. What would be worth giving up your life for? My faith.  It’s were I find peace, strength, fulfillment and purpose.   I’ve heard it said that the only things in life worth living for are things worth dying for, and to me my faith is both.

‘Tis the Season for flowers, spring allergies and seasonally ineffective street evangelists.  

I was plodding along, completely engrossed in my own thoughts, when a little, gray haired lady, her arms filled with grocery bags, flagged me down.   In a quite voice, she leaned in closer to me, and with big eyes and a somewhat crazed smile plastered on her face, she informed me there was something she needed to give me. 

As she rummaged around in her brown, winter coat, I half expected her to pull out a plastic fork, or an old gumball wrapper, or even, something to help me contact the aliens with.  But instead of ET’s home number, her hand emerged with two small cards – each about the size of a business card.  She handed them proudly over to me.  Cutesy Christian poems were printed on them in flowery fonts; nope, I wouldn’t be helping ET phone home today.     

“Santa Claus,” she said his name with all the inflections a good storyteller would use when the zombies had emerged and were now wreaking havoc on society, “leads straight to the mall which leads to bankruptcy and depression.”  She looked up so she could stare right into my eyes.  It reminded me of the way a door to door salesman would stare at you while he was trying to convince you of your overwhelming need for the latest and greatest vacuum cleaner.  I smiled back uncomfortably.  

After an awkward silence, she apparently decided I was now ripe for the gospel, and added triumphantly, “But Jesus leads to peace.  Santa has deceived us all, we’ve all ended up at the mall, but you don’t have to stay there, because you can choose to either follow Santa or Jesus.” 

Santa or Jesus? Okay, so I’ve had a couple bad experiences with street evangelists before, but this “gospel message” takes the cake.  Not only did it not make any sense, but it wasn’t even seasonally appropriate!     

It was ironic she thought “following Santa” would lead straight to the mall, because I was actually on my way to stop by a friends house – who’s a friend from church — and then we were going to spend the afternoon at the local mall.           

“Um, okay.  Thank you.”  I said putting on my best sitcom smile.    

She looked satisfied, and abruptly walked away without another word.  And I continued on to the mall. 

The cure for the common cold: Rest, lots of water, chicken noodle soup, and of course, The Muppets. 

During this time of year when cold bugs are flying, and too many of us our home sick, we need all the laughs we can get.  Enjoy, and try to stay well.  

Thanks to Stuart for posting this video yesterday.