Santa in March?

‘Tis the Season for flowers, spring allergies and seasonally ineffective street evangelists.  

I was plodding along, completely engrossed in my own thoughts, when a little, gray haired lady, her arms filled with grocery bags, flagged me down.   In a quite voice, she leaned in closer to me, and with big eyes and a somewhat crazed smile plastered on her face, she informed me there was something she needed to give me. 

As she rummaged around in her brown, winter coat, I half expected her to pull out a plastic fork, or an old gumball wrapper, or even, something to help me contact the aliens with.  But instead of ET’s home number, her hand emerged with two small cards – each about the size of a business card.  She handed them proudly over to me.  Cutesy Christian poems were printed on them in flowery fonts; nope, I wouldn’t be helping ET phone home today.     

“Santa Claus,” she said his name with all the inflections a good storyteller would use when the zombies had emerged and were now wreaking havoc on society, “leads straight to the mall which leads to bankruptcy and depression.”  She looked up so she could stare right into my eyes.  It reminded me of the way a door to door salesman would stare at you while he was trying to convince you of your overwhelming need for the latest and greatest vacuum cleaner.  I smiled back uncomfortably.  

After an awkward silence, she apparently decided I was now ripe for the gospel, and added triumphantly, “But Jesus leads to peace.  Santa has deceived us all, we’ve all ended up at the mall, but you don’t have to stay there, because you can choose to either follow Santa or Jesus.” 

Santa or Jesus? Okay, so I’ve had a couple bad experiences with street evangelists before, but this “gospel message” takes the cake.  Not only did it not make any sense, but it wasn’t even seasonally appropriate!     

It was ironic she thought “following Santa” would lead straight to the mall, because I was actually on my way to stop by a friends house – who’s a friend from church — and then we were going to spend the afternoon at the local mall.           

“Um, okay.  Thank you.”  I said putting on my best sitcom smile.    

She looked satisfied, and abruptly walked away without another word.  And I continued on to the mall. 

~ by Moe on March 23, 2007.

Posted in When Life and Humor Collide

3 Responses to “Santa in March?”

  1. Oh good, the comment screen has returned. ;)

    I wonder if this woman had Santa and Satan mixed up – really it is but one position of one letter that changes the whole thing – you know?

    What did you buy at the mall?
    WC

    I wondered if she’d confused the two also. So, Satan leads to the mall? It’s odd however you look at it. :-P

    I bought a pair of kaki pants (I was informed they’re my “hippy” pants), a green t-shirt, a black and gray spriped hoodie, and a white hoodie with short sleaves that will be nice when the whether warms up. I love jackets, even if I’m in need of shirts, I’ll still be more apt to get a new jacket.

    I’m normally not much of a shopper, but I had birthday money left and a gift card. It’s so much more fun to spend other people’s money. ;-)

    ~Kelsey

    writerchick said this on March 25, 2007 at 9:26 am

  2. Nice design! kabababrubarta

    Thank you. :-)

    ~Kelsey

    kabababrubarta said this on March 26, 2007 at 3:21 pm

  3. Wow, sounds like you got some cute stuff. Ditto on spending other people’s money. Something really intoxicating about it. ;)
    WC

    Yes, it is intoxicating. I love the fact that there isn’t the guilt facter, “Can I really buget for it? Do I need it?” When it’s gift money all it comes down to is, do I want it? Much more fun. ;-)

    ~Kelsey

    writerchick said this on March 26, 2007 at 6:14 pm

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